Donation Only Precedes Graduation in the Dictionary
- Article by Bailey Walsh
- April 27, 2012
As a senior graduating in less than two weeks, I have recently been appalled by MSU’s behavior toward us future alumni. Between the anxiety of final exams looming until just the day before graduation and the omnipresent fear that we finally have to grow up and get jobs becoming a reality, it is absolutely absurd that MSU is already hitting us up for donations. What kind of donation, you ask? Graduating seniors are being asked to donate money toward the “senior gift” that is given to the university by its students as a way to “commemorate your class’ time here.” And what’s the gift, you ask? New uniforms for Sparty. Because he needs a makeover.*
When I received the phone call, I immediately recognized and regretted my mistake of answering because a). Are you shitting me? Of course I don’t want to donate money to the university who has just put me in debt for the next 30 years, and, b). I haven’t even graduated, let alone bought my cap and gown, and they’re already calling me an “alumni” who has a “really cool opportunity to leave their mark on MSU.” Did I mention that they wanted me to leave that mark with $100 bill?
While we’re on the topic of a hundred-fucking-dollars, let’s look at a few things I’d rather spend that money on:
• Clothes for a real person
• Netflix Unlimited Streaming +1 DVD out at-a-time memberships for 5 of my closest friends and me
• A shit ton of Beanie Babies off eBay
• 10,000 Chicken McNuggets
• Paying off .005% of one year’s $20,000 tuition
• As many hateful telegrams as I can send with $100 to whoever came up with this idea
Now, don’t get me wrong here, my time at MSU has been the greatest four years of my life. And I love Sparty. I think he’s (she’s?) the best mascot in the NCAA. What I don’t love, however, is this school taking advantage of its students time and time again (see: the rest of this issue) and then expecting us to “give back” to the university before we’ve even left. Why is the university asking us to dig in our pockets for something that’s as unnecessary as new uniforms for our mascot? Perhaps it’s because unnecessary spending is MSU’s forte (see: every construction project on campus).
Although I could keep ranting about how this university squanders away all its money on useless crap, there is just one more thing that I’d like to point out. Sparty is our mascot, right? So, he goes to all of the athletic games, right? And Tom Izzo donated $1 million dollars to the athletic program 6 months ago, right?
Yep. Just checked. He did. Seems kind of strange that we can’t spare a small chunk of change out of that cool mil for a couple new uniforms for Sparty, seeing as how he represents our school at every athletic event that we’ve ever had. Strange, but true. And kind of, sort of, exactly why I absolutely refuse to donate a dime.
*When I spoke to Poopface (name changed for confidentiality reasons), she legitimately told me that our class had decided on this gift because “Sparty needs a makeover.” I think the word “need” is a bit debatable here, but it’s what Poopface told me next that really threw me for a loop: “We’re asking for a contribution of $100 from every graduating senior.”
- Michigan State